i miss my magazines!!! delicious and real living... from aussie land! and the delicious here is damm ex lah.. abt 9 bucks. haiz.. i miss all those nice food pics man. always gives me inspiration to take more nice food pics and cook more. altho i must confess that i haven't really tried out a single recipe from the mag.

i mean i always look thru the mag, promising to cook one of those dishes when i have the time and when i really do.. i'm actually too lazy to get do to cooking it. and besides, i always justify my lack of action with the lack of beautiful plates that i can use to serve the dishes.

i guess this can be applied to my attitude towards certain things in life. one very good example, is looking for a job. argh totally no motivation. and i'm kinda pressured... by myself no less. i mean like i keep thinking yah i'll start tmr lah or i'll start soon and i'll be able to find one. but i just can't get down to it. seemingly if i get down to it, i'll really no longer be a student anymore. no more carefree life. not that i'm even having much of a life in the first place. i suppose there isn't time anymore.

think these few weeks back in sg... made me think abt lots of things. certain events have happened in my life and i guess changed my thinking abt certain stuff. things like friendship. i mean can there really be a proper friendship when everyone is so busy with their lives and stuff like that? i mean to the point where we don't even really have proper conversations with each other, to the point where we converse thru sms, no real face to face conversations at all. all the time saying that 'oh we have to meet up, to catch up' stuff like that but nobody ever does anything abt it to 'meet up'. what's that suppose to mean?

does it mean like 'oh we'll meet up... WHEN we finally have the time' or 'aiyah we have all the time in the world... now that u're back for good' or it cld be interpretted as 'i'm waiting for u to org it loh' or 'whether we meet up or not is fine loh.. i don't really care'. or it's just something polite u say to someone whom u haven't met in a long time.

i realised that i haven't been blogging as often as i do when i'm in perth. seems like i don't really get that much feeling to blog. not much 'gan chu' leh... how? i'm becoming stupid and my english is becoming bad. like milk going bad.. u know? and meat as well.. rotten, stinking meat with maggots crawling ard. (and i don't even know if that sentence has a pt.) i'm definitely going insane. argh. think when u're away from home, things u experience and how that affects u are magnified. and then u just need somewhere/someone to 'fa xie'. and when u're back, sometimes things happen that even if something happened to u, u won't be able to find someone to 'fa xie' to. seeing as how everyone is busy with their lives and shit. and then u find pple u're closest to finding their other halves. and then u're left alone. (this post is slowly becoming a wallow in self pity of not having a bf post)

gosh i wished i spoke with a brit accent. it's so sexy. and that's totally out of pt. bleah. sucks tho, finding out u have no one to confide in. and some of ur closer friends have changed, and suddenly u feel like u can't connect with them, and are not even talking to them. and then u realise, u're freaking alone lah.

this is going to be so random a post but i don't care. did u ever realise that relationships based on 'hao gan' or past memories hardly ever last? by 'hao gan' i mean where u are willing to go out with this person, hang out, have fun, date, but not liking him that much that's u're willing to commit and start a bgr type thing or even hold his hand. or when feelings between the 2 of u have waned so much so that breaking up is much better than staying together, but then just cos of some 'past happy memories', they stay together because they can't let go of the past.

argh i just lost my train of thot.. i suppose it's going to end here. no head no tail no body. ahhaah i said it's going to be random. hahahah i think i'm going to become insane and sinking into depression. oh wells. that's life, no cause for concern.